Well, probably nobody will be suprised, but I'm tired. I'm tired all the time, I'm exhausted, I have strength for nothing, etc, etc. Exams are killing me. I'm learning, and learning, and learning, and still I know nothing! I just forgot what it means when you have to learn and study and THINK. I have to read about Greece, Rome, Egypt, tomorrow I'm starting studying about Mayas, and then I have to learn about Ancient East. Why the hell it happened to me? This exam will be one, big nightmare, I can't even imagine the evening of 29th January.
The worst thing in this exams' time is I always want to do something else. Now I recognized that I miss watching Indian movies, so when I have free time I come back to my old dvds, I'm watching video-clips, listening to songs, etc. I even discovered that I miss my job a little. I can't say I love my cinema very much, but I got used to it already, I like people who are working with me, and everyday there was different. Now all days are the same again. I hope I will pass this damn bloody exam on 29th January (without re-taking it on 19th February), then on 10th I'm having an exam of ancient coins, and then I will be FREE again!!!
Some time ago I made a decision. I decided that after graduating from my University this year I won't start the master's degree. I want to go to France as an au-pair, spend there one year, then come back here and start those last 2 years of studying. I need some rest from archaeology, and on the other hand I want to try something new when I'm still young and curious of the world. I already spoke with my parents, they aren't sure if this is the best decision, but my mother said she won't stop me. Of course, I could go to France after those 2 years but I'm afraid I would be too tired and old (OMG, I will be 24 years old!!!), and at the end I would decide to stay in Poland. I want to try living in other country, away from my parents and everything I know here, and I want to think about some things too. These are only plans, now I must thing about my exams and writing my graduation essay...

I can't sleep again. Today I had an argument with my parents about mu future. Some time ago I thought that maybe after this year of studies I will have a break. I wanted to go to France for one year, work there, practice French, etc, but of course my parents have different plans. They say I absolutely have to finish my studies when I started it, then I can think about going somewhere else. I don't know, but is it really that important? Of course, I want to finish my studies, but I just wanted to have some fun when I'm still young. After graduating from University I will be 24, and I don't know, I just don't see myself working as an au pair in that age. We will see.
Tomorrow I'm going to work. Before Christmas I was so happy that I will have so many free days, but I was working most of them. It's quite complicated, when I don't have to go to work I'm bored at home, I don't know what to do with myself and I'm too tired to study, but when I have to go to the cinema I would give my everything to stay at home. Now I will be working on 1st, 2nd, 3th and 4th January, then I will have more than a month free, finally I must start preparing for my exams. Yesterday I received a message from my group mate that our seminar exam is on 29th January. It's still a lot of time, but I hoped it will be somewhere in February. I have only 2 exams this Winter, but this seminar one will be one, big nightmare. It will be oral, and I can't think about it as "one" exam. There are five exams in one, about five different subjects, with five different teachers. I can't even imagine that, I'm afraid I won't sleep for weeks before it (well, there are more than 4 weeks left now, so maybe today it's the beginning?).
During Christmas I put on weight. As everybody says, it's only 1 kg, but for me it isn't "only" one. I'm checking my weight about five times a day, my dad says I'm going crazy, but I'm crazy about my weight since 2 years. And I love eating so much;( Being honest, I love 2 things in my life the most: sleeping and eating. That's funny, because I have problems with both of them:( I have insomnia, and I can't eat too much. Life is... brutal?:|

I'm tired all the time. I have time for nothing - even if I don't have a lot of things to do. But I noticed that my English is getting worse and worse , I don't have lessons anymore, so I decided I have to keep in touch with this language as much as possible. That's strange because all the time I'm listening to songs with English lyrics, I'm watching movies where they are talking in English, and I shouldn't forget things.
But nevermind. I'm still trying to come back to reality after my meeting with Damien, and it isn't that easy. I'm thinking about it all the time, even my mother started to worry about me. I told her that I don't want to marry any other guy and to be honest - that's true, I'm not interested in anybody else, just him. Yes, it's incredible even for me, I thought that when we meet I will be happy, but I'm not. I'm still asking myself a question - will I be able to see him someday again? Everyday I'm going to my University, meet my friends, I'm acting like a normal person, but in my mind I'm thinking about Paris and France. I'm falling asleep and I see the underground there, I'm waking up and I see streets, I'm sitting in the tram or during lessons, and I'm dreaming about having a walk near the Eiffel Tower. I have always been a patriot, I loved Poland and Krakow more than everything, I was telling everybody that I don't want to live in any other city or country, but now I feel that I would be able to leave my city - country - family for France. I don't know, but there life is different... I started to ask myself a question - am I proud to be a Pole? The truth is - now I don't know. People abroad don't know a lot of things about my country, they think we are starving here, that we don't have mobile phones or television. It's ridiculous, but when I'm listening to the same questions very often, I'm starting to think that this world is a big joke. People abroad don't have such problems, they can be proud of their Motherland, here we can know about the history of other countries, but in other countries they know nothing about the history of my country. Once Poland was a big, strong country, it is still beautiful, modern, colorful - but other people don't know it. Someday I would like to say that I'm from Poland and see somebody's positive reaction. I'm sure that people in France don't have such problem.
On 11th it was Independence Day here. 90 years ago Poland appeared on the map of Europe again after the 123 years of fight for freedom. I was seeing a lot of flags on the streets, I was proud to look at them, but the magic has gone when I realized that nobody abroad really cares.
This Saturday I'm starting working. I need money, and I will be working in the cinema. I went for an interview with the employer, she was very nice, and said that she will call me today to give me the answer. She called, and said I was accepted. At the beginning I was very happy, my friend from High School works there too, and I started chatting with her. And she said that other girls are strange, they aren't very nice, and the atmosphere isn't the best, of course I started to worry. But we'll see, still I can try. I will be working for two days in a week and during the weekends. I don't know if I have enough strength, I'm afraid of being tired all the time without even one free day. But once again - I want to try.

I slept for only one hour during last 24 hours, but it isn't the most important at the moment - I want to write all these things here as long as everything is fresh in my memory, and then, after months I want to come back to this and read this as many times as it will be possible.
For today I want to say one thing - everything is possible and dreams come true.
I was in Paris for 5 days, but I will write about 4 of them next time, the only one day is important right now. 1st October - Damien's concert in Paris.
We went with Iza to the pub La Scene Bastille about 2 hours before the concert. We were waiting near the closed doors because I just wanted to stand near the scene. We had a lot of laugh, talk, and we were afraid of the rain, but fortunately it wasn't raining. At 19.30 they opened the door, so we entered the pub. There wasn't a lot of people, we were afraid that nobody will come, but just before the 20 it was about 50 (or even more?) people there. We listened to the 2 supports, of course I don't remember the names of the bands and around 21 HE entered the scene. It was the moment of my life, my hands were shaking, I was sure I will die there waiting for him. And oh my God, he was standing about 2 m faraway from me!!! The whole concert was like a dream, the only one thing I didn't like was other people's behaviour. I don't know, maybe it's typical in France to only stand and watch the concert, but in Poland people are singing, jumping, kicking each other - and you really know that you have fun. Then Damien started to talk with the people from the audience, unfortunately I didn't understand everything, but I started to think that it's my chance, maybe the only one in my life to say something to him, especially that he was so close. And before the last song I called him, I said (in French!) that I'm from Poland and I'm here only because of his concert. He heard that, he smiled to me and said "merci beacoup"! I was feeling that I'm in heaven, but the concert ended soon... I called my mom, I started to cry, I wanted to sit on the ground and think about this show and how happy I am. But then Iza said that all girls are leaving and we have to follow them, we left the main door and we saw HIM standing near the next door talking with about 5 girls. OMG, I can't even say what I was feeling in that moment, I don't remember correctly, we just stand near to him and look at him. Then I started talking with him in my "wonderful" French, I said once more time that I'm from Poland, that I'm here because of him, that I love his songs and I'm learning French with them and oh my God - he was looking at me all the time, he was smiling, he was so nice! He gave me an autograph - "Pour Alexandra - tendresse, Damien Sargue", I have one photo with him where he is hugging me, unfortunately made by a mobile phone camera so it doesn't look that great, but I asked another 2 girls who had real cameras to take a picture of me with Damien, and Iza gave them both her e-mail address (I wasn't even able to write my own e-mail address, my hands were shaking ALL the time), so maybe they will send them to her, and she will send them to me... But still - I spent the most beautiful 3 hours in my life. My God - Damien Sargue was talking with me, smiling to me, and hugging me 3 times! If one year ago somebody would tell me that I will go to a Paris, I will see Damien's concert and I will MEET him I wouldn't believe in it, I would start to laugh, because my life is so boring, I don't have luck in anything, so how can I even dream about meeting Damien Sargue? Today - I still don't believe it really happened, I'm sure that soon I will wake up and realize that everything - the concert, the meeting, an autograph, photographs - were only a beautiful dream.
I MET DAMIEN SARGUE!!!
Now I'm in Krakow again, in my old room, I'm starting the third year of archaeology, I will start living my old boring life again, but I had my own miracle. Even now I'm thinking about it ALL the time, and I'm simply crying. I would give my EVERYTHING to go for his concert and chat with him once again.
And here WE are:



Thank you Damien for giving me the best moment in my life ever...

In 2000 I was 13 years old, I was finishing my Primary School, and my best friend's name was Helena. I remember, each month we were going with our class to the cinema, where we were watching not-that-new movies, but tickets were cheap, so our teacher was taking us there.
I was listening to old rock music, still remembering Him - it was only one year since We met... Well, 2000 in Poland was quite good year for us - manga and anime fans. We had 2 publishing houses, anime were running on the tv, and we even had one great magazine called "Kawaii"! And everyday, at 15.10 (if I remember correctly) I was watching good old RTL 7 channel (not existing anymore) with the anime "Saint Seiya" - in French "Les Chevaliers du Zodiaque" - in Polish "Rycerze Zodiaku". The guy who was reading the story in Polish was horrible, dubbing was French, but still I remember how happy I was during watching it, OMG, I fell in love with those 5 boys saving the world and protecting the goddess Athena! Everyday after the episode I was counting hours to the next one, and weekends were a nightmare for me. I was laughing with them, crying when they were fighting and bleeding, and to be honest - 2000 is the year of "Saint Seiya" in my life. My favourite character was Shun, Andromeda Saint, and then, because of me, Helena started watching it too - and her favourite character was Cygnus Hyoga. It was so great to watch this anime together, recording it on video tapes, and coming back to my favourite scenes as many times as it was possible!
Then several years passed by, my friendship with Helena broke up, after a couple of years I went to the High School, I started to have different hobbies - nobody in my High School was watching anime or reading manga, so I concentrated on music, because in my opinion "I wasn't a child who is watching cartoons anymore". I remember that only once I wanted to watch some episodes of "Saint Seiya", but all my video tapes disappeared (still I have no idea what happened to them, and it's one of the biggest mysteries in my whole life). And then - one year ago, I read in the Internet that they are planning to make episodes with the last chapter of the manga. I downloaded it, and... I realized that I'm still in love with it!:D Again I was happy and crying with the main characters, and when in August I watched the last episode with the real ending of the series I couldn't really describe what I was feeling. I started to cry like a little baby!
But still I wasn't having manga, I couldn't even dream about reading it in Polish, it's really funny but now manga is less popular than it was a couple of years ago. But world is really smaller today, buying things abroad is easy, and not even that expensive. I bought all 28 books in Japanese on ebay, it isn't important that I don't understand it - I know the story so only pictures are important. And now I feel totally strange. 8 years ago I wasn't even dreaming about having it, now I can have everything - episodes in Polish, manga in Japanese, Shun's necklace copy... It's good that some things don't change. It's so wonderful when your dreams are becoming reality, even if you have to wait some years for it.
Thanks Bronze Saints:)

I don't know, since 3 nights I can't sleep. I feel terribly sleepy, but I'm just laying on my bed and thinking.
I'm extremely tired last days. On Monday I was taking the soil-thing exam. In my opinion it was a little bit easier than the first one, when I left the classroom I was thinking that it wasn't bad, but now I'm really not sure how it was. Crazy dr K promised that he will give us the results on 26th, but yesterday I spent 4 hours in the Institute, and I saw nothing. I have heard that soon he is leaving to Syria for a couple of days, so probably we will know the results on 24th. It isn't the best situation for me, on 28th I'm leaving to Paris, so I hope he will find a time for the oral exam of mine before, because I really don't want to re-take the whole second year because of this horrible soil-thing... I still think he is really strange. We won't know what is happening with us till 24th, I don't know if I should learn or not, maybe the miracle happened and I passed it...
So, yesterday I spent 4 hours in the library. I took my mother's notebook and I was writing my final essay. Today (yes, today, I have to get up at 7.30, so I don't have a lot of time to rest...) I'm going to the library too, I will spend there another a couple of hours, but I think I should finish it today in the evening. I will take some books from the library, at home I will scan some pictures and add them to the essay. I hope it will be enough for my teacher, I really want to give it to him on Thursday. I know I won't have a great mark of it, and it's definitely my fault. I should start writing it earlier, but it always happens to me, I think I have a lot of time, and at the end I realize that I don't have time at all, I have to hurry and live in stress all the time.
I'm waiting for the package from Japan, with the manga I bought. Oh God, having this manga was my dream since 2000, and now, finally I'm waiting for it and I will have it! Yes, sometimes miracles just happen:)
I think I should try to fall asleep. Today will be another difficult day, and my only dream is that it won't be raining. Last days are terrible here. Days are dark and grey, it's raining all the time and the wind is really strong. I hate such weather, it reminds me a typical, ugly, Polish Autumn...

FINALLY today I passed my Rome exam. To be honest it was one of the best exams I have ever taken. The teacher was extremely nice and we were laughing all the time. I spent about 3 hours waiting for my turn, and the girl who went before me spent 1,5 h answering questions! I didn't know what to think about it, because I'm sure that if I had to talk about everything I know about Ancient Rome, it wouldn't last 1,5 h. But fortunately I didn't have very difficult questions - the first one was about Forum Romanum during the Octavian August period, the second one - Emperor Hadrian's monuments, and the third one - sanctuaries in the late Roman period. Well, at the beginning my second question was someone's tomb - and when dr B asked me what I know about it I said "nothing" and started to laugh. Then he started laughing too, and asked me this question about Hadrian, and I was really glad because of it, Hadrian is my favourite Emperor:) So, I passed, and at the end, when I was leaving the classroom he said a couple of nice words about me. He said that he sees I know a lot, that I'm learning and I'm a smart girl, but I can't let myself to panic too much. Sometimes it's good he said, but for me it isn't because I forget important things. But then he said that I have two important advantages - I'm intelligent and even if I don't know something I don't give up. It was definitely the nicest exam in my whole life.
Now I have to start preparing for the re-taking of soil-thing, which will be on 15th. Definitely the exam of Rome was more important so I wasn't thinking about this seminar exam a lot, but today in the evening I started to worry. This guy is really crazy, as I once wrote, for the last time when my year was writing this exam only 1 person passed! The funniest thing is that it really isn't important subject! Here in Poland, at the Universities, each subject has an amount of points EMCS (that's how we call them) - usually "real" exams have 6 points. My final essay has only 2. The other seminar exams have 2 or 3. And this subject, as the only one on the list has only 1 point! But what will happen if I don't pass it? I will have to re-take the whole year! On 1st September, before the exam I was talking with the boy from my year, he is one of the smartest people I'm studying with, he had the best results on the 1st year, and he always has the best marks. And he said that this exam (or I should rather say - test) is just impossible to pass. Today when I entered the Institute I saw the piece of paper from crazy dr K, where he wrote that 15th is our last chance. To be honest I don't believe him, because what if another 1 person (or 2, let's be optimistic - or even half of my year - let's believe in miracles!) pass it? What about the rest? It isn't the subject which is that important to re-take the whole year because of.
I don't worry about my final essay, on 16th (in the morning) I'm taking my mother's notebook and go the library, where I will spend the whole day with the books and writing my essay. I think that 3 days for it will be enough.
But soon, soon... I will be in Paris:)

I think I'm starting to be addicted to my livejournal, I didn't write anything yesterday, and I felt really strange.
The worst thing is I have nothing really interesting to write about. I'm still learning Ancient Rome, and I won't say where I'm having it right now, when I see this book I'm thinking about eating it (I'm kidding of course;)).
Today I went to the oculist. It's terribly sad, because normally I should wait till the beginning of November, but because my mother knows the director of the hospital in Krakow, she just called him, and he said I can come immediately. That was great for me, but still other people have to wait for weeks to see the doctor, and maybe they need this visit more than me? So, I told the oculist what's wrong with me, I said that sometimes I see those circles of light, and he made a lot of researches, from reading those numbers from the wall (I hate this part since my childhood, I know I have problems with my eyes and I'm wearing contact lenses, but always when I'm with the doctor I can see nothing, even if normally I don't have problems!), then I was sitting near the big machine looking into the green light, and I had to push the button when I was seeing other green lights - that was really funny! And at the end, they put something into my eyes, and even if normally I see almost-nothing without glasses/contact lenses, after that I was seeing just nothing. The oculist looked into my eyes with the light (the other part I really hate), and at the end he said that everything is perfect with my eyes, except these things I've known since 8 years, and those problems which I had before were just "typical" problems, maybe because of stress.
I have a new mobile phone. I was absolutely in love with my old one, sweet and beautiful red Samsung, but since I couldn't make a call and write sms, I decided I have to sell it. I went to the shop, I sold it, and I bought... a PINK Nokia!!! I can't say that a pink mobile phone was always my dream, but it was one of the cheapest ones, and I have heard good things about this phone... Of course, my old one was much more better, prettier, more modern, but it was only one problem with it - it wasn't working.
So, I have a new phone, my mother is angry at me because I had to give 100 zl for it, I don't know how she could even think that I will be able to live without the phone?;| She is angry at my dad too because he is buying a new car (it's the third one during last year and I'm sure that still he doesn't know what exactly he wants to have and still, a car is more expensive than a mobile phone), and I'm angry at myself because I ate too much today. But life still goes on:)
This wonderful layout was made (as usual) by my sweet and incredible friend Yulia!!! Thank you Honey, it looks exactly how I wanted it to look!!!

I don't know why, but when I'm laying on my bed in the middle of the night and I can't sleep I think that I would like to write something in my livejournal. What can I do, I am a creature which lives in the night and sleep during the day;|
Saturday wasn't that great day for me as it should be. I promised myself after my "wonderful" Rome exam that I will spend the whole day learning about Forum Romanum, Forum Boarium, etc, but I felt that if I spent another day in my room with the same book I will get mad. My parents went to the village where they bought a ground some time ago, so I thought I will visit them there. I took my car and I drove there. Driving for me is still a little adventure and a challenge, because I know that I'm a young driver who makes a lot of mistakes, so my biggest wish when I'm sitting near the steering-wheel is to not crash my own car, or somebody else's one. But fortunately everything was alright, I drove 50 km there and another 50 km back to Krakow. And I'm still alive! Of course I had an argument with my parents there, they think that staying there is my biggest dream and I have nothing more interesting to do, so they were angry when I left earlier. Even sleeping is more exciting for me (of course during the day, because I can't sleep during nights) that spending hours in Stanislaw Gorny and talking with neighbours there about everything and nothing really. Especially because people there have this strange accent that I have to listen very carefully what they are saying to understand it correctly. Or sometimes I don't understand them at all and I feel stupid! So I came back home and went to sleep:D
I'm angry for the whole evening. I need money. I'm almost sick because I just have to buy all 28 mangas of Saint Seiya series, and I need some cash for it! They aren't that expensive on ebay, but I just don't have this money. I'm trying to sell some of my old CDs and DVDs, but I'm afraid it won't work. I won't ask my mother because I know she hasn't got money, especially after my previous shopping on ebay;| I have no idea how I will get this money, but somehow I just have to, because it's just stronger than me and my will:/ I even started thinking about selling my mobile phone:(
I put on weight 1,5 kg and I still think it's the end of the world for me. I don't know how but I must loose it. I really don't eat a lot, but still I have problems with my weight - if I want to loose a couple of kilos I have to stop eating at all, which I'm afraid I will soon do.
Ok, tomorrow I must wake up early (haha) and learn (hahaha). So, I think it's time to go:)

I feel sad and totally disappointed today. On 1st September I should pass my seminar exam of soil-thing, but I failed. There were 30 students who were taking this exam, and only 1 passed. That's really incredible, but even before I've heard a lot of strange stories about this guy and his tests.
Today (or I should say - yesterday, because we have already 6th September now) I had my exam of Ancient Rome. It should be my last exam, and I should be on the third year right now. But from the beginning. In June one of teachers said that this exam definitely will be after 15th September, because before this date he is on Cyprus, digging something there. So everybody was sure that there's no need to hurry, because there is a lot of time. On 31st August I received the message from my group-mate that the exam will be from 3rd till 5th September, and the only one teacher will be present. I was in hysteria, I was learning all the time, and I decided I will go on 5th. I can't say I knew everything, but I thought I know enough to pass. I entered the class as the third student, the teacher asked me a question, and I couldn't say a word. My head was totally empty, I tried to say something, but it didn't work. Fortunately this teacher is very nice and he said that he sees that I was learning and I know the answer, but it isn't the best way to pass the exams, especially oral ones. I didn't fail, he said I must come on 11th September, and we will try again. I'm really thankful, because he could give me a bad mark, and he had a right to do it. But I feel so disappointed of myself. Why I can't pass one, stupid and really not difficult exam without problems? Especially because I still have to pass this damn soil-thing and finish writing my final essay.
I'm afraid I have problems with my health. Before going to Pietrowice (to do my practice exercises in July) I had a problem with my right eye. For about a half an hour I was seeing circles of light, and I had problems with looking at the right side, I haven't seen the whole 180° of view which I should normally see. But I thought it happened only once, and then I totally forgot about it. But 2 days ago the same thing happened, and then (I don't know, maybe because of stress) for 3 hours I had a terrible headache. I feel well now, but to be honest I'm starting to be a little worry... I'm afraid to visit a doctor, because he will send me to the oculist and then probably neurologist, I'm afraid of all these tests, I'm afraid they will find something...

Well, I can't sleep. In Poland it's 03.15 AM, I was sleeping so long last night, and now I was laying on my bed and thinking... I feel extremely strange today, with my CD player near to me.
A couple of days ago I found a casette in my room. I remember that I bought it in 1998, in one old shop in my city which doesn't exist now, because it burnt 8 years ago. Nevermind. It was recorded by young, German singer, and I remember I loved his music so much, I was listening to this casette all the time. Then I started listening to different music. I fell in love with Queen, then it was metal time, gothic, and here I am now, with my love for French musicals, gothic music, and rock.
But, as I said, I found this casette again, and I thought - why not listen to it again. And, OMG, I realized that I still like this music! Maybe it's some kind of pop-rock, but he was 16 years old when he recorded it... I started searching for some informations about him and I read that in 2000 he recorded the second album, in 2003 the third one, and in 2006 he formed a band with his brother, and recorded an album under the new name. Well, as I love wasting money I went to my sweet and beloved mother and said that I HAVE TO have some CDs, and she has to give me money for them, because if not, I'm going to die. Fortunately my mother knows how stupid her daughter is, and fortunately CDs in Germany are less expensive than in Poland, and God bless the ebay! After 2 weeks all four CDs were at my home - which means yesterday. And... That second album is similiar to the first one, but the third and the fourth are totally different - really hard rock ones. I looked for some informations about him, I read some interviews, and he was saying that finally he found the real music inside himself, that he doesn't want to be a pop star again.
I'm 21 now, he's 26. I can say we "grew up" together - but here we are, at the end, with the same music taste, from the beginning. And that's why I feel strange, when I found that casette I realized how fast years are passing by. I was sure that 1998 was not that long ago, but so many things happened... My idols are getting old, they changed so much! Once I said that when I will realize that my idol is old, it will be the worst day in my life, because it means I am old too. So, am I old...?
Anyway, thank you Gil Ofarim and Zoo Army for giving me music, I think I won't stop listening to this 2 last albums that fast:)
I should say yesterday was one of THE days of my life - I bought the ticket for Damien's concert in Paris, on 1st October. Yes, I will be there, I will see the love of my life on stage, in reality!!! I just can't believe, it's too beautiful to be true... But Paris, be careful, I'm coming on 28th September and nothing will stop me!!!:)

Long time, no see.
Well, I know I have to apologize, I feel really terrible, I promise I will never do this again (mea culpa, mea culpa, mea maxima culpa like my mom often says:P).
I have no idea how it happened, I remember that i was writing on this journal not that long ago. It's really incredible how fast time is running - not that long ago I was on Sardegna, I had vacations and I was starting my second year (yes, finally I passed my Bronze Age exam, not without problems but the result is the most important:D). Now I'm getting ready for another exams, and I will have 4 this Winter - Iron Age, Greece, Ancient History and Anthropology. I feel really terrible because of it, I feel that I won't pass them this time and I really don't know if I should cry, laugh or simply die:|
Well, during those months my life didn't change a lot. As usually, my head is full of different plans, I'm thinking about travelling (especially to France right now, and yeah, I'm still thinking how to marry Damien:P), learning languages (French again at the moment - comment ca va tout le monde?), still planning to learn Russian - next year if everything will be alright, still in love with my car, and, oh sweet irony, still doing that damn bloody driving licence, and still having problems with it.
But, my life is full of bright sides too, I love all the good days, my sweet and beloved friends (OMG, today I'm so excited, finally my packet arrived to Russia!!! Just amazing feeling, I have no idea which is better - giving or receiving gifts! Oh Sweetie, you can't even imagine how happy I am that you like everything - I'm always so afraid! I knew that I should do something to save the CD, but I started to think about it when the packet was already sent... That's good nothing serious happened , but I promise that next time I will be more careful:|)
Yeah... Life (even mine:P) can be really wonderful sometimes... :)

A couple of days ago my mom had a car accident. It was her fault, to be honest, my mom has never been a very good driver. Fortunately nothing happened to her, only her car is a little bit crashed.
Yesterday I went for a little party with 2 my new friends - Ania and Renata. Ilona (from my University) met them on one party, and then I met them too. Both girls are very nice, I don't know how old are they (I think it's something near 30) or what exactly they do in their life, but... I like style of their life:) They don't keep their money, when they earn something they travel somewhere. I can't talk with them about countries in Europe like France, Italy or Spain because of course they visited them. Last year they were in Egypt and India, now they are travelling to Syria and Jordan, and next year they want to visit Peru and Bolivia. WOW!!! I think in the future I want to be exactly like them, I want to see the world, learn about different cultures, meet a lot of people.
I just want to learn. Now I want to start learning French again. I used to learn French some years ago but unfortunately then my teacher moved to Belgium and I didn't want to have anybody else. And now I have to start everything from the beginning because everything I remember is only a couple of words, completely without gramma.
Anyway, last night I had a dream. I dreamed about my exam, I met with my teacher and my collegue from Primary School (what the hell she was doing in my dream??!!) and my teacher said my exam is tomorrow. GOD!!! I called my dad and my dad started calling me names because he was waiting for me in my car (what???) and said it's my fault. I woke up and - to be honest - I was a little bit confused. Tomorrow I will call my Institute and ask if my exam is on 7th September. I just want to be sure, I don't want to have a little suprise:D

Oh My God, what a day. Very nice, I mean. Thank you Iza for visiting me, and my Dear, it isn't that bad, we haven't seen since Metalmania 2007! It's ONLY 5 months, haha. But now it will be better. You are going to study in Krakow, we will be meeting each other, going for parties together, doing shopping. I just can't wait! Maybe my stupid and boring life will change...
So this day was really nice. At 11 o'clock we met with Iza and her friends Kasia and Marcin (both are really nice, I'm glad that maybe we'll meet each other better:) ), then we went to check rooms they wanted to rent, but... People are just stupid and they haven't called girls they rented room to somebody else. It's sad, especially they came here only because of those rooms. But don't be sa my friend, everything will be alright:)
Then I went with my mom to give flowers to my aunt who had name day last Sunday and we went to the forest because I wanted to have a little photo-session (well, I told my mom if she wants to have a grand son she has to do me a lot of great photos, because I'm going to find a husband in Internet - it's my last chance;P). Pics of course aren't as good as I wanted them to be, but what to do, I'm not beautiful:( (anyway, thank you Iza for beautiful words about my look! They are really important for me!)
And everything is the same again. Nothing will happen for the next weeks. I will be just learning, then I will have my exam... Maybe it's strange but I can't wait to start studying again. The worse thing is I'm not sure if I'll be able to study. This damn bloody exam is still waiting...
And yes, I'm still in love with Damien Sargue:D

Yes. On 15th August it's National Feast here - anniversary of battle upon Wisla river. We won with Russian army (oh Sweetie, do our nations always have to fight with each other? But I still love you!:*) and I'm afraid it was the last battle in our history which we have won:D Well, life;)
But anyway, my parents decided to visit my dad's family near Lublin because my dad wants to show them his new car (men are children...). At the beginning I wanted to go, I can't say I miss my family very much but I like travelling with my parents, especially by car. But then... I started to think if I go there I won't learn. And I just can't stop learning! Each day is important, I really, really love my studies, and I just HAVE TO pass this damn bloody exam.
I don't know... A couple of days I was thinking what I would do if I won't pass. It will be September, it will too late to send my documents and start studying from the beginning. I could start studying again in October 2008. I think I would go somewhere (probably to UK or Ireland, like most of people in my country, haha) for this year, to work. My cousin lives there, maybe she could help me a little... But I don't want to! I want to stay here and study archaeology, pass this stupid exam and be with people from my year (of course, because of Him:|).
But OMG, I think I left behind the main topic of this entry, haha. So, my parents go to Lublin, and I'm staying at home! ALONE! For 3 full days! Haha, I'm so happy:D I would have some rest, some silence, I will be reading and learning about Bronze Age, I will be watching TV in my parents' room and sleeping as long as I want:D And I will stay with my cat and dog, so it will be very nice:) I'm still not sure if I should invite somebody... I remember, one year ago when my parents left for my cousin's wedding (I stayed at home because of matura) I invited Agnieszka. But she isn't in Krakow anymore and I think she isn't interested in spending her time with me. I thought about Paula, but I'm still not sure... She isn't calling me, if I won't call her we won't meet and I'm a little bit confused. On the other hand I'm not sure if I really want to invite somebody, maybe it will be better to be alone, because of books and it will be easier to learn... OMG, my life is full of problems!;)
It's the fifth day when I'm listening to the songs from "Romeo et Juliette" musical, and Damien's voice is just amazing!!! God, I love this guy and I want to marry him!:D
Those beautiful icons were made by my wonderful friend Yuliya (as always!). Kisses for you honey!:*

Today is special day for me. It's another anniversary. It's 8 years without You...
I should write something by myself, but for whole day I'm listenning to one song, which is special for me. If I were a poet, I wouldn't write anything better. Here it is, VNV Nation - "Beloved".

It's colder than before
The seasons took all they had come for
Now winter dances here
It seems so fitting don't you think?
To dress the ground in white and grey

It's so quiet I can hear
My thoughts touching every second
That I spent waiting for you
Circumstances affords me
No second chance to tell you
How much I've missed you

My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember

We were once young and blessed with wings
No heights could keep us from their reach
No sacred place we did not soar
Still, greater things burned within us
I don't regret the choices that I've made
I know you feel the same

My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

My beloved do you know
When the warm wind comes again
Another year will start to pass
And please don't ask me why I'm here
Something deeper brought me
Than a need to remember

My beloved do you know
How many times I stared at clouds
Thinking that I saw you there
These are feelings that do not pass so easily
I can't forget what we claimed as ours

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

Moments lost though time remains
I am so proud of what we were
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits
Grant me wings that I might fly
My restless soul is longing
No pain remains, no feeling
Eternity awaits

For You my Dear. Maybe someday we will meet again...

Sometimes it comes a day when I feel extremely strange, extremely horrible and extremely unnecessary on Earth. Yes, it's one of those days:P I think it's because of my condition, I really hate "those days" when I feel that my stomach is full of something (no, not food;)) and all I want to do is laying on my bed.
Today I should go to do my practice exercises. But I overslept, and I have to go tomorrow. I have enough of those exercises, especially that people are new, and they look really strange and I'm sure I wouldn't like them as much as I liked those from July. Yesterday I met with 2 girls from July because they came to Institute and they said that on the other day there was a party and everybody said I should come, but nobody had my telephone number! OMG, I would like to go so much! I gave my number to one of those girls, so if there will be another party, they will call me and I will come:)
Yeah, and I should start learning for this exam from Bronze Age... It will be on 7th September. I'm really, really afraid, one exam - it isn't that much (my friend Anna has to retake 4:D), but I have bad feelings. Everything went too easy, I passed all my exams without problems, so now something HAS TO go wrong. My life just can't be too easy:|
I feel that my head is empty for today. I really have nothing to think about, all day I was crying that I am alone and nobody will cry when I will die (I was watching a movie where a husband died and because of "those days" I feel it personally), that nobody calls me, I'm spending my evenings alone or I'm going somewhere with my mom - all my friends have SOMEBODY to spend their evenings with, and sometimes I feel I'm the most stupid, the ugliest and the most lonely person on Earth.
I'm dreaming about going somewhere... Haha, I just came back from Sardegna, but I still want so go somewhere for sightseeing. My mom said that if she earns some money we will go to London at the end of September. Yes, London! Or Paris, or Praha, I just want to go SOMEWHERE!!!
Thank you Sweetie for this beautiful layout, I'm so thankful!!!:*:*:*

Oh my God, it's so good to come back home after so long time... Travelling is great, meeting new people and cultures in wonderful, but I still think that home is the best place on Earth:)
Sardigna was great. Full of trees, beautiful nature, sweet little towns and the best people I have ever met. It's so nice to feel that people like my nation somewhere. And they are so curious of Poland! They ask hundred of questions about it, and they are so happy to know more...
We had little problems with the bus when we were going back to Poland because air-conditioner broke down (as always:/) and it was terribly hot, as usual I couldn't sleep and at the end I was thinking about my bathroom, having shower and my own bed. And those terrible teenagers, God! Sometimes I'm afraid I couldn't be a good mother, because my child would be disciplined and would be learnt how do not disturb other people... We lived in a little camping, close to the sea and town called Tortoli. And this sea! Always when I was watching pictures and I saw this blue colour I thought it's a lie, but it's true! Yeah, I think I will miss Sardegna a little:)
It's so good to be here. Even if from the beginning of August I have to start learning for this last exam of Bronze Age and it's something wrong with my computer:)

So, here we go again:
It's something I received from my friend Kornelia. Kisses for her here, even if she will never read this.

Rules
1. Put your music player on shuffle.
2. Press forward for each question.
3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn’t make sense. NO CHEATING!
4. Don't tag 5 people.
5. With the answers, give your own comments on how it relates to the questions.

1.HOW ARE YOU FEELING TODAY? - Leaves' Eyes - Elegy - Eee, what? To be honest, I feel horrible today, I hate all the world, and I want to cry.
2.WILL YOU GET FAR IN LIFE? - VNV Nation - Solitary - Yeah, I knew from the beginning. Well, I hope this will happen - "With this line I mark the past, as the symbol of beginning". I REALLY, REALLY want to forget about the past and start everything from the beginning.
3.HOW DO YOUR FRIENDS SEE YOU? - Enya - Afer Ventus - I can't understand words because she sings in Gaelic, so we have a little problem. I have no idea how they see me.
4.WILL YOU GET MARRIED? - Enya - Evening Falls - Yes, it may be truth. Two people in one body, that's me. "I am home - I know the way. I am home - feeling oh, so far away." I don't know if I will, I'm afraid I won't.
5.WHAT IS YOUR BEST FRIEND'S THEME SONG? - Dzem - Wehikul czasu - Haha, maybe. I like those old songs, but I'm afraid it isn't my best friend's favourite song:) Or maybe it's about her, but I don't know?;) He sings about drinking, long lost friends and memories...
6.WHAT IS THE STORY OF YOUR LIFE? - Enya - Fallen Embers - So it is really strange and sad story.
7.WHAT WAS HIGH SCHOOL LIKE? - Enya - Flora's Secret - or I should say - Alexandra's secret? Yes, it is a secret and I don't want to talk about it.
8.HOW CAN YOU GET AHEAD IN LIFE? - Alice Deejay - No more lies - WHAT???!!! 1. I had no idea I have thas kind of song on my hard drive 2. I am not lying!!!
9.WHAT IS THE BEST THING ABOUT YOUR FRIENDS? - T-Rex - Children of the Revolution - Haha, that was good.
10.WHAT IS IN STORE FOR THIS WEEKEND? - Enya - Storms in Africa - Haha, fortunately not in Poland.
11.TO DESCRIBE YOUR GRANDPARENTS? - Europe - The final countdown - WHAT WHAT WHAT???
12.HOW IS YOUR LIFE GOING? - Buddist Monks - My spirit flies for you - For who? Actually my spirit is flying for nobody.
13.WHAT SONG WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? - Lordi - Hard Rock Hallelujah - So it will be really funny, I'm starting to be sad that I'm not going to see it;)
14.HOW DOES THE WORLD SEE YOU? - Veer - Zaara song - Aisa des hai mera - About beloved Motherland. I really love Poland, but I'm not so great patriot, and I'm not talking with everybody about it. Or maybe it's about India? Today I met 2 new people who showed me pictures from their journey to India:)
15.WILL YOU HAVE A HAPPY LIFE? - Enya - If I could be where you are - I'm sure my life would be happy.
16.WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS REALLY THINK OF YOU? - O-zone - Dragostea din tei - HAHAHA!!! Great answer, the best in all test. Let's sing: Ma-ia-hii, Ma-ia-huu, Ma-ia-hoo, Ma-ia-haa:D
17.DO PEOPLE SECRETLY LUST AFTER YOU? - Kageyama Hironobu - Dead or Dead - sounds terrible:|
18.HOW CAN I MAKE MYSELF HAPPY - Enya - Only Time - I know:)
19.WHAT SHOULD YOU DO WITH YOUR LIFE? - Enya - Lothlorien - Hmm. Should I move to Lothlorien?
20.WILL YOU EVER HAVE CHILDREN? - Wilki - Son of the blue sky - WOW!!! So I will have the son (with the blue sky?)
21.WHAT SONG WOULD YOU STRIP TO? - Romeo et Juliette Musical - Les Rois du Monde - I adore this song, but I just can't imagine doing strip to it:D
22. IF A MAN IN A VAN OFFERED YOU CANDY, WHAT WOULD YOU DO? - Kal Ho Naa Ho song - It's time to disco - OH GOD!!!
23.WHAT DOES YOUR MOM THINK OF YOU? - Nickelback - Far away - very strange answer.
24.WHAT IS YOUR DEEP DARK SECRET? - Enya - Water shows the hidden heart - So maybe someday I will tell you this in the swimming pool;)
25.WHAT IS YOUR MORTAL ENEMY'S THEME SONG? - Saint Seiya theme - Soldier dream - Yes, I will kill that bitch someday too.
26. WHAT IS YOUR PERSONALITY LIKE? - Ich Troje - Keine Grenzen/Zadnych granic - I like, German and Russian, and of course I like Polish too. And I'm peaceful too, so maybe, maybe...
27. WHAT SONG WILL BE PLAYED AT YOUR WEDDING? - Scorpions - Wind of Change - WOW!!!

Sometimes I think my life isn't that bad. Sometimes I feel really happy, I feel I am the Queen of Life. When everything is alright, when I pass all my exams, when I can talk with a lot of people, when one of my new friends from practice exercises says I'm really beautiful and slim girl, when in the evening I think that this day was really good. I like those days... When I have smile on my face.
I remember a couple of months ago my parents organized a little party for their friends. My dad drunk too much, and when my dad is drunk he is always extremely nice and (of course) honest. When guests left our house we started talking, about life, about everything. And he said: "Ola (A: that's how they call me here), I'm 62 years old and today I can say that I had really good life". I remember these words. This is my dream, when I'll be 62 years old I want to say that too. I want to be happy, I want to fulfill all my dreams. Sometimes I believe it is possible, sometimes... I'm just laying on my bed and cry.
It's really difficult to change some things in our lives. I would like to be different, I would like to change almost everything in myself and my body.
Well, it's hard to answer the question: "Am I happy in my life?". I know I should be. I have almost everything. Yes, almost. But I'm afraid this "almost" hurts the most...
Yesterday I found on my hard drive pictures of my old "beloved". Maybe beloved is too strong word for him, but I found pictures of guy I was crazy about. I haven't met him in real life, but we were exchanging e-mails for long time, until one day he just stopped writing to me. It was 2 years ago, but till today I'm collecting pictures of him. I think he was... the ideal. With wonderful hobbies, the same as mine, tallented, great character. Today I know he was too good for me. But still, I don't know why. I have tears in my eyes when I see he is online on GG, or just updated new picture in his gallery.
Well, life.

Following my friend Yuliya's entry (:*) I would like to write about songs of my life too... Anyway, I think that our life without music would be so empty. From the beginning of my life my life is full of music, I'm listening to it when I'm sitting in the bus, when I'm laying in my bed, and I'm listening to it now...
So, here it is:
1. Queen - Somebody to love - My favourite song of my favourite band. I love Frieddie's voice in it and of course, lyrics too...
2. Queen - It's a hard life - (...to be true lovers together, to love and live forever in each others hearts... I just love it:)
3. Queen - I'm going slightly mad - ("I feel like I'm a banana tree":D - ok, I think I should say all Queen's songs are songs of my life)
4. Wilki - Ksiega przemian - (the same with Robert's songs. They all are about me, this guy knows me better than I know myself!)
5. Scorpions - Wind of change - I love it from so many years... He sings about Moskva in English song, not Moscow. That's so great!:D
6. Sting - Fields of gold - I have so good memories about this song. Always when I'm listening to it I remember about one evening in my life when I was sitting in my cousin's room and we were talking about everything...
7. Europe - The final countdown - this guitar... GOD!!!
8. Norther - Frozen Sky - one of the best instrumental songs I've ever heard.
9. My Dying Bride - For My Fallen Angel - Always when I hear this song I have tears in my eyes. His voice is so beautiful...
10. Goran Bregovic & Ofra Haza - Cantonero - La Reine Margot theme:)
11. 2+1 - Winda do nieba - So sad, good, old Polish song. Always when I'm listening to it I'm afraid that the same will happen to me, which she sings about...
12. VNV Nation - Beloved - For this one Special Person. I can't write poems, I'm writing only silly words. But I'm sure if I were a poet, and I would be writing about Him, I would write this song exactly, with the same words.
13. VNV Nation - Solitary - "set me aflame and cast me free" and the rest of things about freedom.
14. T-Rex - Children of the Revolution - Yeesss.... REVOLUTION!!!
15. Enya - Only Time - all the questions I would like to ask.
16. Enya - The Celts - I have it as my ringtone right now, I love this song and videoclip, where Michael Praed appears:)
17. Clannad - Robin (The Hooded Man) - Robin of Sherwood theme - theme of my life...
18. Cradle of Filth - Nymphetamine - "My nymphetamine girl"
19. HIM - Love you like I do - great voice...
20. The Cure - Burn - Theme from "The Crow".
21. Lacrimosa - Alleine zu Zweit - to be honest, most of Lacrinosa's songs. Their concert is one of the best moments in my life.
22. Limahl - Neverending Story - Good, old, melodic:)
23. Eric Clapton - Tears in heaven - I ask myself the same question all the time - "Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven?"
24. O-zone - Dragostea din tei - HAHAHA!!! I wasn't sure I should write this song here, but... well, it's one of the songs of my life. I don't know, but always when I hear this song it makes me extremely happy, whatever happens:)
I think that's all... For the beginning;)

Anyway, I have always had problems with the topic:P
I usually write the senstence which is in my head, I think most of time it's a title of a some song, or something like that. A couple of days ago I was spending hours watching anime "Ayashi no Ceres" and reading manga. Now in my head is the last sentence in it - "Let's live forever". Yeah, let's do it. Let it be the title of this note...
I should have my own vacations now. I should be bored all the time, I should be reading books, watching tv, doing all these stupid things. But I'm not. Tomorrow I'm starting the second part of my practice exercises, which means I'll wake up at 6 o' clock, going to my Institute, and digging, washing ceramic, and digging again. Yes, these are my vacations:| The worse thing is my friends won't be with me this time, I'll have to spend my time with totally different people. Maybe it's good (as my dad says) because I'll meet some new people, but still... I feel a little bit uncomfortable:|
Today I spent really nice evening with my parents on Main Market Square. I really like going out with them, I think because I'm their only child they try to be some kind of friends for me. I chose evening with them under an evening with my friend Agnieszka. I'm still wondering why, there was time I was calling her my one and only best friend. Yeah, it was... Now she has totally different life than me, I can't understand her problems and she can't understand mine. Maybe I'm a little bit jealous. Probably I am. But still I can't think about her as the same person who I knew for so many years.
Well, life. Maybe she is different than she was, or maybe I stayed the same for too long?:(

Oh my God, I simply don't know what to say about my exams... I could write an essay about them, haha! I feel a little bit strange, but let's start from the beginning:
First exam should be Bronze Age. I love Bronze Age, teachers are extremely nice, I've heard they help a lot, but... More than a half of our students failed this exam. The reason is we have to learn more than 250 names of cultures from Ireland to Russia, know how to show them on the map, know every detail about their ceramic, houses and graves. GOD, it's just impossible to learn it in only one week! Before that I had to pass my semi-exams, which weren't really easier that the "real" ones... So I decided to write an application to the director of my Institute and ask if I could pass it in September. And he agreed!
Second exam: archaeology of Middle Ages in Poland. I've heard it will be one of those easier exams. It weren't. Dr Przemyslaw Nocun and mgr Michal Wojenka asked so hard questions, that (again) more than half of my year failed. I had 4 questions: differences between Middle Agean and Modern ceramic in Krakow. Not that bad, I think I said everything. Second question: fortification of Krakow. That was worse, because I hate learning such things and I was praying to God not to have question about fortifications. Third one: Roman castles in Poland. It was better that the second one, but still... Not so perfect. And the fourth: castles of Teutonic Knights in Poland. Well... I'm sure I wouldn't have passed. I didn't know a lot of things, teachers helped me as much as they could, and I'm sure that dr Nocun rescued me. He said I was better than those who failed, so they give me good mark. YES!!!
The second exam: archaeology of Egypt and Mesopotamia. I was sure I'll fail it, because I had too much books to read, and completely no time. They gave us 4 pieces of paper with about 70 questions, Some things I knew, about some I've heard, some I saw in my friend's test (:P), and the rest was only the case of fortune. They were checking tests for about 4 hours and I was dying all the time. At the end, prof Cialowicz left the class and said that this test was tragedy and 70% failed. He gave us our index, I looked inside of mine and saw... PASSED!!! OMG, I just couldn't believe it! I phoned to my mom and started to cry and laugh at once.
Now: on 29th June I have my last exam: enter to archeology. Everything about its history, famous people and subjects which can help... I hope I'll pass it, I believe in it. So... I'm starting to learn:)
Thank you Sweetheart for wonderful layout and beautiful icons!!! I can't even find words how thankful I am!!!:*:*:*

It's my first time on livejournal.
To be honest, I created my profile only for one person (kisses Sweetie!:*) but I believe it'll be nice to write here from time to time...
At the beginning: I want to say sorry for my sometimes broken English, but it isn't my native language and I'm still learning and I hope it'll become better with every day:)
So, it's the middle of the night, tomorrow I'm learning and reading and reading and learning so...
Good night! :D